The Evil Gerald
Which candidate has earned your favour?

The redoubtable Mr De Valera

Mr Cosgrave, elder

The feisty Fenian rebels of Sinn Féin

A Passenger Announcement from Iarnrod Eireann

Episode II hailed as "not shit"


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The results of an Evil Gerald opinion poll contain a startling message for Ireland's political leaders - most voters believe that there's no point voting in the upcoming election, because the widespread use of opinion polls mean that everyone knows who's going to win.

Public doesn't stand a chance against
rising public opinion

The poll was carried out in the last few days, with a sample of several hundred spread more or less unevenly around the country, consisting mostly of the kind of people who like being approached in the street by grinning hacks with clipboards.

The results are being taken very seriously by the people who took part in the survey. Lochlann 'Midge' O'Riordan (Sligo) told us he was "very worried by what I've just told you. All these opinion polls have really confused me, and now I really don't know what to think. I was going to vote PD, but now it looks like Fianna Fail are just going to get in on their own anyway so I don't think I'll bother".

Also concerned was Amanda Brown, from the country, who complained, "I read the other day that Sinn Féin are going to win five or six seats. That's terrible. I just wish there was something we could do about it".

The Evil Gerald urges all voters to exercise their democratic rights by carefully scanning the latest opinion polls and casting their vote for the most popular party. Anything else would be a waste.


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