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Bono, front man with aging rock icons U2, ascended into heaven in a plume of heavenly smoke following last Thursday's MTV Europe Awards in Frankfurt, Germany.

The problem with God is he thinks he's Bono

Celebrities backstage watched in appalled silence as Bono began to slowly rise skywards, a halo appearing above his head. "I am a son of God and finally my heavenly Father has called me to his Kingdom for all eternity. My work here on Earth is done and I must go now". He urged onlookers not to cry for him citing the fact that all nirvana awaited him. "You must be strong, it will be a lonely and desolate time for humanity in my absence."

Bono is well known for his work in the field of collaborative charity records, including his recent top ten hit for New York City and AIDS. He is also well recognised for his dedication to the cancellation of Third World debts through the meeting of G8 leaders.

Speaking earlier this year in Genoa, Italy, he said, "All you funky kittens must meow with me in biting the economic leopard that sucks from all my brothers in Africa. It's like they (Third World countries) took in the First World and let them flourish with their natural resources - and this is how they repay them, with debt. It's all imaginary, not tangible like, like my tax contribution".

Bono left instructions for a large monument to be built in his honour akin to the statue of Jesus in Rio de Janeiro, promising to return again. "I will rise again and join my disciples (U2) for another world tour when I know that my work on earth has come to its full realisation," he told a crowd of weeping B list celebrities.

Meanwhile, Third World debt continues to rise and a further round of World Trade Talks begins this week in one of the world's poorest countries. Seven out of ten people will die of AIDS in the coming two decades and drug companies refuse to provide the necessary medicine.

"Just think how much better off he left the world", sobbed P. Diddy.


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