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"Fuck the Police!" beg Police

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"Fuck thaaaa police!!!!" demand police

Speaking at the 24th annual conference of the Garda Representative Association (GRA) in cork yesterday, general secretary, PJ Stone told delegates there was only one way to defeat the drop in morale the force had experienced since recent events. "Fuck the Garda Siochána," he appealed to the public.

Just give him a reason

"Gardaí just aren't getting enough action these days," the commissioners added, "and we all know what that leads to, don't we?" "Beating up hippies!" came the reply from one of the younger delegates in the audience, fresh out of Templemore."That's right," continued Mr Stone, "What an Garda Siochána needs right now, above all else; above shiny new batons; above riot gear; above cans of mace; or free trips abroad from Advance Pitstop tyres; is a good lay."

The auditorium burst into applause and the audience rose to its feet amid hysterical cries of "Fuck da poliiiiiiise!!!!". About 10% of the room broke into a chant of "Pigs are gay".

Mr Stone went on to accuse certain sections of the media of conspiring to prevent gardaí from "doin' it" on a regular basis and of stereotyping them as double-jobbing rednecks who do little other than work as bouncers on the side, marry teachers and build their own bungalows in their spare time.

Speaking from his office in Leinster House, Minister for Justice John O'Donoghue said he would rule nothing out and would not make a decision until he had the full, unseasoned facts before him. He promised to set up a special advisory commission to look into the matter. It will comprise of a panel drawn from the Irish Catholic bishops and is due to report back some time next century.




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