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Dail in uproar as Deputies fail to agree on Chinese or Indian

Ceann Comhairle Seamus Pattison had to call the Dail to order on Thursday as TDs failed to agree on whether to order in Chinese or Indian food.

"Bags I first"

Former minister for justice Nora Owen rushed from her office to refute allegations by independent TD Tom Gildea that she was "an enthusiastic and willing handmaiden" of The Lotus Garden in Fairview and that she was actually in the employ of that establishment as a consultant. She immediately asked Mr Gildea to withdraw the "disgraceful charges" made against her adding that his preference for Indian Tandoori was "frankly, sick" as Indian food was "mingin'".

As Mr Gildea made his speech on the issue of take-away he was watched by FF minister for foreign affairs Brian Cowen who urged that he be called to order. Deputy Cowen took this opportunity to ask the house "if we could get a few cans in as well?" and play Tekken with the Playstation running through the overhead projector.

"Hotmail" junk mail filter refuses to recognise "Hotmail" junk mail

The latest scandal in Microsoft's anti-trust debacle concerns their web-based e-mail service, "Hotmail". Hotmail provides a "Junk Mail" filter which prevents "spam" from getting to the user's inbox. But, incredibly, Microsoft-related spam is not recognised as junk mail by the service.

"It totally sucks ass," complains Chip Deveraux of Stretch-It Inc. "Why should Another Exciting Offer from Hotmail Member Services be legitimate, while CLEAR YOUR DEBTS IN MONTHS or YOUR DICK GROW 3" IN DAYS be considered spam? It's anti-competitive."

Microsoft's William Gattice dismissed such claims out of hand. "The truth is that absolutely everybody deletes junk mail without even reading it, be it competition offers, debt management solicitations or improbably offers of penile expansion. We know this. You know this. Hotmail Member Services is just one giant tax-dodge," he told the Gerald, adding: "Oh shit."





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