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Hypochondriacs
"sicker than previously thought"
Apple
admits: iMac not actually a real computer
'Hoor
in Sewer' arrested in Garda sting
Swords
bypass bypass opened
News
in Brief: Deputies argue over takeaway, more woe for Microsoft
Amazing offer from Ryanair
Why
not join Fianna Fail?
Felix
Says
Mystery
Arab warns commuter of possible attack
Bertie
Bribes Self
Oh
shit we totally forgot about the Labour Party
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"Just
ten more minutes of this shite"
Irish
Prime Minister Bertie Ahern has come out about the bribery fundamental
to most of his political career. Talking to an Evil Gerald reporter working
undercover in his local pub, he admitted that he had taken a bribe only
that afternoon.
Here
is a transcript of the secretly recorded conversation:
Ahern:
"So I says to myself 'OK, Bertie, do the historic signing thingamajig
with whatshisface Taoiseach Blair or whatever. But just keep yourself
focussed on one thing. It'll all be worth it in the end.'"
Gerald Reporter: "You mean you accepted favours in exchange
for carrying out this task?"
Ahern: "Favours, yeah. I had to bribe..."
Gerald Reporter: "Are you, TAOISEACH AHERN, admitting to me
that you took a bribe only today?!"
Ahern: "Listen, Tang Su Chi Yong, all I wanted was to order
a pint off you. Are you sure you're really a visiting Chinese student?"
Gerald Reporter: "Answer the question, Taoiseach. ANSWER THE
QUESTION."
Ahern: "Mine's a Bass."
Gerald: "No! Did you take a bribe today and who from?"
Ahern: "I just hate them historic signing things so much I
had to bribe..."
Gerald Reporter: "Who? WHO?"
Ahern: "...meself."
Gerald Reporter: "What?"
Ahern: "Yeah (tearful) I says, Bertie, if you can do this
now you can go to the Shamrock Rovers match this evening, and if you keep
up the smile while you're signing it you can even nip into Kennedy's after
for a few scoops."
Gerald Reporter: "So the fact that you, Taoiseach Ahern, are
here tonight in Kennedy's of Drumcondra confirms that you accepted this
bribe from yourself?"
Ahern: "I suppose so. What do I owe ya?"
Gerald Reporter: "Two pound sixty-five."
Ahern: "Mother of Mercy! The price of a pint in here. I tell
ya one thing. This place is turning into a real media dive the past few
years."
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