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Oh shit we totally forgot about the Labour Party


"Just ten more minutes of this shite"

Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern has come out about the bribery fundamental to most of his political career. Talking to an Evil Gerald reporter working undercover in his local pub, he admitted that he had taken a bribe only that afternoon.

Here is a transcript of the secretly recorded conversation:

Ahern: "So I says to myself 'OK, Bertie, do the historic signing thingamajig with whatshisface Taoiseach Blair or whatever. But just keep yourself focussed on one thing. It'll all be worth it in the end.'"
Gerald Reporter: "You mean you accepted favours in exchange for carrying out this task?"
Ahern: "Favours, yeah. I had to bribe..."
Gerald Reporter: "Are you, TAOISEACH AHERN, admitting to me that you took a bribe only today?!"
Ahern: "Listen, Tang Su Chi Yong, all I wanted was to order a pint off you. Are you sure you're really a visiting Chinese student?"
Gerald Reporter: "Answer the question, Taoiseach. ANSWER THE QUESTION."
Ahern: "Mine's a Bass."
Gerald: "No! Did you take a bribe today and who from?"
Ahern: "I just hate them historic signing things so much I had to bribe..."
Gerald Reporter: "Who? WHO?"
Ahern: "...meself."
Gerald Reporter: "What?"
Ahern: "Yeah (tearful) I says, Bertie, if you can do this now you can go to the Shamrock Rovers match this evening, and if you keep up the smile while you're signing it you can even nip into Kennedy's after for a few scoops."
Gerald Reporter: "So the fact that you, Taoiseach Ahern, are here tonight in Kennedy's of Drumcondra confirms that you accepted this bribe from yourself?"
Ahern: "I suppose so. What do I owe ya?"
Gerald Reporter: "Two pound sixty-five."
Ahern: "Mother of Mercy! The price of a pint in here. I tell ya one thing. This place is turning into a real media dive the past few years."




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