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Smurfit's new beau has broken hearts before: but has he finally met his match?

The news that Smurfit Packaging has pledged its heart to a foreign suitor has set Ireland's social circles abuzz with intrigue. From the plush surrounds of the swankiest bars to the highest offices of the state, everyone is asking just one question: Who IS Madison Dearborn?

This suave, enigmatic figure has swept Smurfit off its feet, yet how much do we really know about this mysterious private equity investor? The answer is: very litle. Reliable sources whisper that Madison is the lovechild of international finance whizz-shot, John Canning, though this cannot be proven since the birth certificate lists only the place of birth, the Cayman Islands.

His fabulous career began when he wooed the glamorous Pangea Limited, a Bermuda-born debutante with a taste for expensive undersea fiber-optic telecommunications networks. But Dearborn moved on, and Pangea, speaking exclusively to The Evil Gerald, says now that it can never be the same again. "He bought out my stock but he broke my heart", the emotionally fragile Pangea told us. "Oh, why did I believe his promises of long-term returns when I should have known that he was heavily involved in transactions across a variety of industry sectors?"

Friends, if any, of Smurfit must be hoping that the charming Dearborn sees the Irish starlet as more than just a passing fancy. The way to a woman's heart may yet prove to be through a cardboard box.




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