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Anger at demolition of Arab women

Palestinian authorities have reacted angrily to today's destruction of Palestinian women.

Israeli engineering corps troops moved into the West Bank and Gaza strip and proceeded with a series of controlled female demolitions. A military source said "Some of these women have repeatedly given birth to terrorists with no thought to the consequences. There is no other place that produces so many terrorists, and terrorist cells."

Army officials insist that the explosive destruction of these women was done with the utmost care, making sure no harm came to the civilian population.

"Your ma" slag leads to witty retort

Declan Nugent had a rare moment of personal satisfaction on Monday when a boy known to him told him "That's not what your ma said last night". Nugent (12), who was trying to do his homework in between classes at St MacDearbhaill's secondary school in Inchicore, Dublin, had had his ear flicked with a ruler by the boy, Mark O'Daly, who sits behind him.

"I'll fuckin beat the head off you," said Nugent, angered by the disturbance to his concentration, as he would need to complete his maths assignment before going to work in his local Sentra shop, that evening. "That's not what your ma said last night, retorted O'Daly. "To whom," replied Nugent, "Your ma?" This left O'Daly lost for words and ended the confrontation.

Nugent had been considering using the line "Well at least I have a ma", which had served him well in the past, but thought better of it as neither his nor O'Daly's mother had been sober on any two consecutive days in the last five years.

US troops under fire in US

US troops came under heavy fire today in the southern state of Louisiana. The troops, stationed at the back of a bar in New Orleans, were on leave when they were fired on with guns. One soldier, Sgt Dwayne Freeman (27), was pronounced dead on arrival at New Orleans County hospital. Two others sustained serious injuries.

The perpetrators of the attack remain unidentified, but US intelligence sources suggest that it was a previously unkown al-Qa'ida cell operating out of the local projects. TV's president George Bush stated that "America will not stand to see more of its boys come home in boxes from such far and distant places ... they even stole Sgt. Freeman's money, those bastards".




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