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Top 20 non-diseases

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Medicine in crisis -
Irish Medical Council report

These are the top 20 conditions an IMC survey of Irish doctors found should be declassified as diseases:

20 Chronic moaning syndrome
19 Not washing
18 Itchy bum
17 Dead leg
16 That thing where the back of your mouth itches
15 Severe fat bastardism
14 Wanking addiction
13 Tendency to receive wedgies at school
12 Bad hair
11 Death

No-one cares

10 Forgot to plug the kettle in at the wall
9 Having no friends because of your tendency to corner people at parties and bore them at length based on their polite query about your recent attack of the itchy bums
8 Parts of the anatomy which are too small/big, short/long, smooth/wrinkly, dry/gooey
7 Drunk on two shandies disorder
6 Chronic Fatigues Syndrome (the tendency to wear combat-style trousers even though one is unlikely ever to join the army)
5 Too-important-to answer-the-phone-even-though-you-are-the-nearest-to-it-osis
4 Severe not letting go of someone's hand for five minutes when greeting them condition
3 Doctor's stopped taking my callsitis
2Tendency of family pet to eat homework/project/essay/maths book

And at number 1 on the list of diseases that Irish doctors voted should be struck off the list of ailments was every parent's nightmare - Ugly Baby Syndrome.




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