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John Motson out of BBC
World Cup Team

The English nation is reeling tonight with the shock news that veteran football commentator, John Motson, has been ruled out of the BBC team for the forthcoming World Cup in Korea and Japan. Motty, as the British public has come to know and love him, was this morning diagnosed with a throat infection that could sideline him for more than two months.


Motson: sidelined for World Cup assault

BBC director of sport, Trevor Dean, has tried to put a brave face on the situation by saying "There is no point in pretending that Motson is not a vital part of our team - his leadership and quality performances in the past have made his name synonymous with route-one broadcasting. However, with a little solidarity and effort from the rest of the team, we are sure that we can still come up with winning coverage".

Motson himself was unavailable for comment, though his father gave a press conference, saying that his son was obviously upset but felt that he has another few years left in his career and is looking forward to 2006. When asked if he was confident that his son's replacements could do the job, Motson Sr became visibly agitated and shouted "Like who? Clive fucking Tyldesley?"

Baying

The tabloid press has been less than level-headed about the events of the last 24 hours, and has for the most part been baying for the blood of Streptococcus Aureus, the bacteria that savagely tackled Motson's vocal chords last night. Simon Bradley of the Mirror wrote in this morning's edition that, "there's no point in any apologies now. These foreign germs knew exactly who to target, and did just that. They've gone and rightly Strepto-fucked-us".

 
 

 

 

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