Terror in Belfast as Children Stalk The Streets
Riots erupted in Belfast last week when Nationalist sources admitted that Catholic children had walked to school through a Protestant area. The source could not be named for fear her mother "wid stap ma sweeties".
The discovery was made when Loyalist parents noticed that young girls walking past their houses were wearing Catholic school uniforms. "Ay wis ootraged," declared Liz McLachlan, 29. "Ta think that Caath'lic childer as old as ten might be sneaking aroond are urrea. My kids ure'nt safe."
Local UDA members swiftly responded to the crisis, setting up barricades at both ends of the "invaded" street. "Now the streets ure safe for peaceful Praadistint pedestrians," said a masked vigilante brandishing a tyre iron.
When asked why it was important that the children be barricaded from the street, he explained: "I've seen thum. They're carrying bags around with um. We're nat stupid. We know what's in they bags - BAMS! And anyway," he added, "my Da was a Special and he'd turn in his grave eff he knew there were Fenian kids walking on his street."
The scene erupted into chaos at 3:45 pm local time. It is believed that Nationalist parents whose children were late to school because of the diversion were responsible for the onset of the violence. "My wean's after getting a detention mark on being late," explained one irate parent. "So I'm down the Shankill to brek a few heads. It's nat on."
Loyalists were quick to dismiss this as justification for the violence. "Thas is jast fackin' tappical," said Billy Hutchinson, MLA, in a prepared statement. "Here ur faithful, peace-loving Praadistint terrorists doing the job that shid be done by the RUC. And they Fenian scum thank they can blame it on us. We're just protectin ur homes."
The NI Secretary, Mr John Reid, was hopeful of brokering a deal similar to those struck by Nationalist communities and Orange Lodges. "One possible solution would be that the children could walk halfway down the street as a gesture to their civic right to do so. Then they would turn around. This would allow both sides to maintain their dignity."
A Sinn Fein spokesman called the debacle "a disgrace," and described the Loyalist barricaders as amateurs. "Yet again we see how the Praadistint hegemony tries tae undermine the educational opportunities of young Caath'lics." he said. "These childer've had a queer fright. They'll nat be the same again."
Tonight, violence continues as another school night falls on the troubled city of Belfast.