in this issue:
killers get their own back
In a statement from the leader of the sheep, General Ba Ba, the shock capture of Dundalk was in response to the Sheep Cull (or "Night of the Burning Wool"). General Ba Ba also stated that "this is in revenge for the death of our brethren. We will continue the fight in memory of those slain". They also demanded an apology from the Irish government, autonomy for areas inhabited by indigenous sheep tribes, and the return of ancestral lands in and around the Curragh.
sheep are presently holding a group of farmers hostage in the Town Hall,
and an armed guard has been set up around Drogheda as it is feared that
the sheep may move south.
As sheep farmers across Ireland have began to stock up on weaponary in fear of an all-out breakout of war between sheep and humans, Mr. Ahern has sent an envoy, dressed in sheep's clothing, to Dundalk in an effort to broker a diplomatic settlement.
However, the Irish Prime Minister has also ordered that a so-called "sheep-shield" be placed around the Irish Houses of Parliament. This has fuelled rumours that the Irish government are preparing for a war with the sheep.
the time of the going to the press, the leader of the cows, General Moo
Moo has not confirmed if he will be supporting the sheep, although he
is expected to make a statement some time tomorrow, if someone hasn't
culled him by then.