Also in this issue 20000! Biggest number yet New variant CJH disease discovered Make the cool choices with our special feature Macnas Mashed 'Smokes' actually cigarettes, say scientists Taliban Ministry of Tourism and Culture to close Foot n Mouth decimates tourism and boredom thresholds Corrs accidentally release new album News in Brief: Bono, Elvis Costello, Highlighters, Lack of Rioting, striking students, etc. Dot.com billionaire offers to buy the world a coke Man freaked out by casual acquaintance		Announcement by The Evil Gerald, Inc. Previous announcements [1,2] by the board of management of Evil Gerald Inc. (left) may have given the impression that our recent floatation on the American stock market in Wall Street had resulted in some massive influx of cash and riches into the company. This could not be further from the truth. The fact is that the operation is being run on just as tight a budget as before, perhaps even more so, although probably to a lesser extent, if that. The evidence is all around you, the reader. The shoddy design, the pages and pages of poor-quality typescript and line-drawings, the increasingly ugly columnists. Does this look like a newspaper that has made hundreds of millions out of a highly lucrative share offer? The very idea makes us laugh! And while it's true to say that every director on the board has recently moved house to either New York, the Cayman Islands or the Bangkok Hilton, be assured that this is merely the result of years of assiduous personal finance management. It's a pity that our status as a charitable trust makes it impossible for any outsiders to check our finances, though. It really is.

 

Home     Back issues     Breaking news     Story archives     About