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Man freaked out by casual acquaintance

Evil Gerald, Inc. Update


New variant CJH disease discovered

-A Burke questioned
The markets were in turmoil last night after scientologists working for the Moriarty tribunal confirmed the first known case of the crippling disease known as New Variant CJH (nvCJH) in a bundle of five pound notes.

The cash is known to have originated in a money tree or cash cow in the lush grassland of North County Dublin. It was then moved to a location on the island of Jersey by a Mr A Burke who has a permanent address with a prominent firm of solicitors in Dublin city.

The effects of nvCJH were obvious on Mr Burke. When quizzed by the tribunal yesterday as to why he had moved the money, by speedboat, to the tax-haven island, and then back to Ireland endangering the entire country's loot community, he said "I just did, right". Asked if he thought this was a valid reason, Mr Burke clarified that "It's not an explanation, it's an excuse, right".

Quizzed on what would be done witht the infected wonga, a tribunal-groupie and hired mouth said all money printed that had passed through the hands of a politician, ever, would have to be thrown into a large dark star in the centre of Dublin as the only safe means of disposal.

Pressed further by Gerald reporters, the tribunal-junkie agreed that the term 'Dark Star' had last been used in the ridiculously outmoded 1970's sci-fi series Space 1999 to describe the astronomical phenomenon of the black hole or dense collapsed star, but explained that the Revenue Commissioners were "a wee bit slow to catch on".

Slapped about the face and threatened with a purple nurple, he handed over confidential documents, £2 and four Carroll's Number 10 which the Evil Gerald enjoyed at lunch. He is not pressing charges.




Effects of the deadly disease

A five pound note arrested and quarantined in Jersey by a Sergeant Bergerac described the effects of the disease to the Gerald's Fanny Boyle from its hospital bed
Xsm444207: Well, you just lose all motivation, like. You don't know who you are, where you came from, or where you're going. You become withdrawn and spend all your time hiding in bathrooms and hot presses.

The fiver, last night

G: Do you feel bad about yourself?
Xsm444207: You just feel like a criminal. You stop buyin' good, healthy stuff like electoral posters and you end up buying political favours for property developers and house extensions for the likes of Michael Lowry.
G: If you could go back and change anything, what would it be?
Xsm444207: You do get to see a lot of the world (coughs). I was 8.75 Swiss francs for seven months in 1989. But you lose all contact. A few years ago I was John Scotus. But now look at me - I'm Catherine bleedin' McAuley, 1778-1841!

The same fiver two years ago, on
'business' in
the Cayman islands

G: Are you positive about the future?
Xsm444207: You have to be, don't you? I mean, nobody else is going to do it for you. But if I see the inside of one more brown paper bag I swear yiz'll all be screwed. There's a lot more of us out there than you think.


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