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An end to policy documents: If the PDs really were in power Hands off our city: Culchies out of Dublin "It's a fair cop, U.S.A." - bin Laden Tony the Tiger: Rumbled in the Jungle Faux Celebrity Mulls Legal Battle NI runs out of ugly, bitter women Twenty-something sends first work-related e-mail News in Brief: Laughterland faces smile crisis, Bush's comforting words to Taliban and a receptionist is "really sorry" |
U.S.
accepts U.S. proof of -Government
pronounces itself "very impressed" with hard work of government The American government has secretly published 'extensive' documentation that "clearly links Osama bin Laden and his al-Quaeda organisation to the September 11th bombings in New York and Washington", said Gen. Colin Powell, who co-authored the document. "I am completely convinced", declared Powell during a press conference this morning. "This is all the evidence we need to pursue a military campaign against bin Laden's forces. I'm very impressed with the diligent work of those who put this cast-iron case together, including myself".
The Attorney-General, John Ashcroft, concurred. "This is a watertight case", he said, "and the Attorney General should be commended for helping put it together. It's such a shame we can't show it to anyone. That would compromise security, you see". The reaction across the Atlantic was just as effusive. A wide-eyed, gesturing Tony Blair described the evidence as "so compelling, I can't wait to read it". In the jungles of Afghanistan, al-Quaeda (Arabic for "those who would hi-jack planes and fly them into sky-scrapers") leader bin Laden prepared to give himself up. "It's a fair cop", he told reporters, packing his flowing white robes into dozens of patent-leather suitcases. "They have uncovered my vast network of terror, laid it bare like a pina colada. The jig's up. I'm just glad their ace investigators didn't get to us before we could send a dozen people to live in the U.S. for years, train as pilots and fly airliners into buildings". |
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